


Someone Else's Love

by BirdyBanter



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Fix-it Romance Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:30:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdyBanter/pseuds/BirdyBanter
Summary: John thinks he has lost Harold and ends up taking comfort in the wrong arms.
Relationships: Harold Finch/John Reese
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Someone Else's Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy reading, consructive comments welcome.

John was totally lost, he didn’t know where to go or what to do. He had to be close to Harold in some small way so he could breathe again. That was his excuse. The only excuse he could come up with and one that didn’t suffice considering where he was now was in Grace Hendricks’ Bed. The very one she once shared with Harold, not Finch not his Harold but hers. He wanted to be with the one person who could understand his loss, who knew what it was like to lose the most amazing man in the world. But he thought bitterly at least she took the chance to tell him how special he was, something he never allowed himself.   
John hadn’t really known what he’d expected when he turned up at the address that Harold had shared with Grace. He had just stood outside on the sidewalk looking up at the place. He had been trying to picture what it would have been like to be Harold’s friend back then. He would have been able to just walk up the stairs, knock on the door and have a relaxed, relatively carefree Harold open the door and greet him warmly. It could never be, the thought hurt and his eyes pricked with the sadness of it. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t see her approach. 

‘Can I help you?’ Grace asked.  
John was so shocked to see her he couldn’t speak. 

Later after Grace invited him in John discovered that Grace had returned from Italy unable to settle there and had rebought the property which had recently come back on the market. She had the idea that it probably wasn’t safe but she couldn’t resist. She needed to be close to Harold somehow however dangerous. John could understand the feeling and wondered if Harold had known she had returned. If he’d turned up here to watch from a safe distance like he used to, probably not he wouldn’t risk Grace like that, not after what happened before.

John thought he would feel better surrounded by Harold’s things; the ones Grace had kept. In a home where he was once truly happy. With someone who loved him as much as John did. He thought it would be a comfort but none of these things reminded him of the man he knew. The one who allowed John to share his life, if only as the closest of friends. He was only still here because he wanted to feel something other than the emptiness or maybe he wanted to live in the emptiness, yes that was more like him, he wanted to live inside the emptiness Harold had left in his and Grace’s lives. Something no one could ever fill. The first time he kissed Grace was as a way to distract himself and in a perverse way touch what Harold had touched. And the second and the third, then he went numb and that’s how he ended up here in bed with Grace.

John slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, took out his phone and dialled a number. 

‘What have you done?’ Was all Fusco said. The man knew him well enough now.

‘I’m in Grace’s bed.’

‘Who?’ That’s right Fusco didn’t know her.

‘Grace Hendrick’s, she is, was Harold’s fiancé.’

‘Whoa, I knew you were fucked up Wonderboy, but even for you that’s…’

‘Fucked up?’

‘Yeah, and here I was worried what could happen to you with him gone but seems like you ain’t grieving no more.’

John took a deep breath, winded by those words. He’d never not be grieving for Harold. 

‘That’s…that’s why I’m here Lionel, I had to be close to…with someone who…’

‘So you’re so cut up, but do you really think Glasses would want you to-‘

‘Of course, not Lionel but he’s not here to want anything.’

‘Oh, so that’s it, you’re punishing him for being dead?’ 

‘No, Yes… I don’t know. Do you think he’d understand or…or be able to forgive me?’

‘For sleeping with his Mrs, no Reese I honestly don’t. It’s not a way to show a guy you were his best friend. I think if he knew what you’d done he’d be done with you. He sure as shit wouldn’t be taking you back like he did all those other times. He might’ve been a soft-hearted bastard but no one’s that soft.’

‘He wasn’t… don’t talk…he was no one’s pushover.’

‘Seriously, you gonna try and make out like you care about what I say about the guy after what you’ve done. We’ve worked together for years and I got to grudgingly like you, but the Professor was a great guy, as close to the salt of the earth as anyone I know. Worth ten of you or me. He was your Carter; the better half of your partnership and I’d never have done anything like this to her. Soiled her memory like that. So if you thought I was going to go easy on you then, think-‘

John cut him off by hanging up. It was true and Lionel wouldn’t go easy on him. It’s why he called. He wanted to hurt, he deserved to. 

John sat on the toilet seat for a few more minutes before returning to bed, what more harm could he do. His eyes had barely closed when his phone vibrated next to his head. He left it on the nightstand, on discreet. But he heard it and so evidently did Grace.

‘What’s that?’ She slurred in her sleep. 

‘Nothing, just call from a friend. I was expecting it but sorry if it disturbed you.’

‘Your friend keeps funny hours.’ She said sounding more awake.

‘It’s the job.’ 

‘Of course.’ Grace didn’t know much about him, only enough to know he wasn’t the conventional sort, or the sort to keep normal hours. 

‘I’ll be back in a bit, you sleep.’ John squeezed her shoulder and hoped she’d leave it at that. She snuggled back down and breathed a sigh of relief.

Once back in the bathroom he answered the call.

‘If you’re calling to tell me how shitty I am I know alright. I couldn’t hate myself anymore if I tried but-‘

He was cut off by the other man. ‘That’s good to know but actually I was calling to say Lionel was right, I’ll never forgive you and this time there’ll be no going back.’

And that was all, before John could say a word Harold hung up. John let the hand with the phone in it fall to his lap. Then he stared at it. He couldn’t process it; Harold was alive. He was pissed at him, hated him even but he was alive. John went back to the phone into dialled numbers but there was nothing no number. But it wasn’t a dream, he didn’t imagine it and he was going to find Harold if it killed him and if Harold really couldn’t forgive him, it would do just that. 

He didn’t put on shoes or any clothes just ran out into the street in his boxers. He found the nearest camera and screamed. ‘You knew, you had to know. Now tell me where he is.’ 

John was about to get really angry about the silence when the phone he was still holding beeped.

‘No.’ Was all the text said. 

‘What the hell do you mean no?’ He growled.

‘Father doesn’t want you to know.’ The next text said.

‘He’s angry, I get it, but you can’t agree with him. He was alive and didn’t tell me. I have a right to be angry too.’ John realized how angry he actually was only when he said it out loud.

Beep ‘He had his reasons.’

‘Well, what the hell were they? Talk to me, properly. Or better yet tell me where he is so we can talk. We need to, you know that.’

Beep ‘I don’t want to talk to you. Neither does Father. Don’t try to find him. I won’t respond to you again.’

John understood then. It wasn’t just Harold that hated him, the machine hated him too. He hurt her Father and she wasn’t going to forgive him. But he had to try.

‘Please okay, I’m not beyond begging. I need him, I missed him okay. I wasn’t coping without him, that’s the only reason I’m here. Say you understand that.’

Silence and then more silence. It stretched so long John knew the machine meant it. She wouldn’t reply to him. He couldn’t help but feel bitter. After everything Root had done the machine never kept her and Harold apart even though John felt she was always something of a risk to him. And he remembered a feeling, one of the worst he’d ever had. When Root took Harold that first time and Reese really thought he might never see him again, never get him back. The machine hadn’t been willing to help him then either. He’d make her again if he had to. Burn the city, turn on her. Tell the world about her. No, not that, he couldn’t betray Harold not again. But if he had to take drastic action he would. First thing was first he called Lionel.

It had been weeks. John had left Grace. It wasn’t easy breaking her heart, well not exactly breaking it but letting her down. Another reason for Harold to hate him. But he could only focus on one thing and he had to be out there searching. Not that it had done him any good. He roped in Lionel, tried to get him to appeal to the machine, saying he was worried about Harold, that he shouldn’t be alone. But he said she just told him he had her. He’d checked all the old safe houses and places Harold had ever been. He’d been all over the city and got nowhere. Even got so desperate he thought about getting Lionel to put an APB out on Harold but that would finish things for sure. You can’t get someone arrested and then try to get them to take your apology seriously. He was at the threats stage when his phone rang with a call from an unknown number. He answered and Root’s voice said,’ Father is in imminent danger,’ and a second later his phone beeped with a text and an attachment with a location.

When John got to the location he went straight into the bar and made his way round it but Harold was nowhere to be found. ‘Where is he? Where is he?’ he said over and over. He was sure this wasn’t a cruel trick and even though he couldn’t find a camera he knew that wouldn’t stop her. Even if she wasn’t as strong as she used to be, she’d find a way to hear him. A second later he was proved right.

‘Alleyway.’ The text said.

John rushed out and for the nearest alleyway and that’s when he saw him. Harold. But John didn’t have time to enjoy the moment because Harold was being pushed up against a wall he was struggling with a man, a very large man. The man had Harold’s wallet in one big hand, the same hand that was holding Harold firmly against the wall and with his free hand, the one not holding Harold still he went for Harold’s belt. 

John sprang into action, he rushed up behind the man who had his back to John. And grabbed him before he knew what was happening. He swung him round, off Harold and slugged him. The guy hit the floor and was out for the count but in that short space of time Harold had skulked out of the alleyway, John wasn’t going to let him get away that easily, not now he’d found him. He raced out of the alleyway and quickly caught up to him. 

‘Hey,’ John said, ‘Wait.’ As he pulled Harold’s arm to stop him getting any further down the street. 

He turned Harold round and was met with a stony face of hatred. 

‘Take your hands off me, Reese.’

Reese? Finch never called him Reese. It was Mr. Reese to be formal or John if he was being kind or if John was hurt or something. 

‘That’s a fine thank you.’

‘Thank you, thank you, seriously? What am I thanking you for? Waiting a few days after I’m gone to jump in bed with my fiancé. You ungrateful, disloyal bastard.’

Finch was steaming mad and if Reese wasn’t mistaken also steaming drunk. In fact, he seemed to be swaying. He was pointing his finger angrily as he spoke, but at which John? The angry finger seemed to move between John and the invisible friend next to him. He had also never spoken to John like this in all the years they’d spent together and John hated it. He might have deserved it but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

‘Do you have any idea what that guy was about to do to you? Molest you at best and at worst-‘

‘I don’t need you defending my honour, Reese. I can take care of myself. I’m a grown man, maybe I wanted it. What do you care anyway?’

‘You didn’t look like you wanted it Finch and you know very well I care.’

‘Funny way of showing it.’ Finch mumbled.

‘You can talk I only did what I did because I thought you were-‘

‘Yeah, devastated I’m sure.’

‘You let me think…where the hell have you been?’

‘You’ve done your part now, played the h-hero, you can get lost now. We’re d-done.’ Harold was slurring his words slightly confirming that he’d had a few drinks.

‘We’ll never be done and you know it. And You’re hardly one to lecture on self-sacrificing heroism, Harold. That’s you all over.’

‘You clearly know nothing about me Reese, now if you’ll kindly excuse me, I have p-places to be. Namely anywhere you’re not.’

Harold turned to leave. John grabbed his arm again this time more firmly.

‘Right that’s it. You’re coming with me.’

John pulled Harold along down the street. They hadn’t gone far when John noticed a couple of Police Offers coming towards them. They were still a little way off but when he looked to Harold, he knew what he was about to do, call out to them. So he pushed Harold into a convenient alley. He pressed him up against the wall and placed one hand on the back of his head and the other over his mouth. He also pressed his whole body up against Harold’s to keep him firmly where he was. Then he leaned against him.

‘Stay quiet, you don’t want them involved in this. Any investigation would pry into your business just as much as mine.’ John hated the threatening tone of his voice but he had to get Harold to corporate.

‘I’m going to take my hand away now. Don’t make me regret it.’

Harold stared at him wide eyed and as he removed his hand the look turned to one that could kill.

‘You resorting to threatening me now. I remember you hating Root for taking my agency away from me. You’re just as bad, worse. You might just be the biggest monster of them all. I hate you.’ The last few words were chocked out like Harold might cry.

The words stung of course, enough to force John to take a step back but not quite enough to make him let go of Harold. Almost nothing would make him do that. If he did he knew he’d never see him again, he’d be gone from his life for good and he couldn’t let that happen. 

‘You have every right to feel that way. But I can’t let it end this way. Not without you hearing me out first. I care too much about you for that. Whether you believe it right now or not, I’m your friend Harold and I always will be.’

‘Fine let’s get this over and done with.’ Harold went to leave the alley. ‘You coming or not.’

They had landed in a low rent motel. Simply because it was nearest, and John distantly thought so Harold could shout and argue with him without anyone bothering to interfere or call the cops. Taking in the place in it was clear to John that Harold would not stay there any longer than he had to. The whole room had a worn out feel to it, with the thread bare carpet and peeling wallpaper. This was the last place you’d find the likes of Harold Finch. 

‘I could ruin your life for this, so easily, like that.’ Harold clicked his fingers.

‘And I could end yours like that, too.’ John clicked his fingers. ‘But why would we threaten each other. What’s the point Finch. Besides you already ruined my life. Thinking you were dead.’

‘You might come to wish I was.’

‘Never.’

‘I hope you enjoyed it. Getting fucked, because that’s what we are now, fucked.’

John had never heard so many profanities from Harold as he had tonight.

‘I didn’t…we didn’t…listen I swear to you Harold we never got that far.’

‘You expect me to believe that.’

‘It’s the truth.’

‘What does someone like you know about the truth?’ Harold sneered. 

‘Rich coming from you.’ If Finch was going to use his past against him, well two could play at that game.

‘What exactly did you do with my fiancé then?’

‘We kissed and touched a bit that’s all.’

‘All, all, I’d say that’s more than enough.’

Idiot, you’re a big stupid idiot Reese thought to himself of course that was enough. The pain in Finch’s eyes almost broke John and briefly the anger crumpled into pure hurt as Finch sunk onto the bed.

‘Why John? Just tell me why?’

What could he say to that? Only the truth. ‘She was the closest thing to you I had left. It wasn’t even close to being enough but I guess it was something.’

‘You expect be to believe that?’  
‘It’s the truth plus she…’

‘She what John?’

‘She had things I never did. She saw you, light, free, happy. You never smiled like you did in that photo not in all the years…’

‘She had my heart. But she didn’t have all of me. I guess no one ever has. There were things even Grace never saw. I couldn’t let her see them. Afraid as I was that she would run from them, from me. But you saw things she didn’t too, with you I bared my soul. Or at least I thought I had but apparently you saw nothing.’ Harold’s voice was clear and steady now, any edge to it no longer from alcohol but hurt. 

‘I saw you alright Harold, but I’m a greedy bastard always wanted more.’

‘You’re not greedy John, you never asked me for anything.’

‘Because you’d already given so much. If I asked you now-‘

‘No. No Reese.’ Finch stood up and away from Reese’s seeking eyes. He went to look out of the window that only held a view of a rather depressing carpark and the busy road beyond. 

‘Please, please Harold don’t go back to that. Stop using that name to taunt me.’ 

Harold sighed.

‘Just talk to me. Shout at me anything.’ John pleaded.

‘I just realized what we had meant nothing to you. If you were jealous of Grace, if you could throw away the memory of us like that. I showed you everything I could show you and it still wasn’t enough, hell dying to save you wasn’t even enough.’

Reese felt like someone had tasered his heart and poured ice water into his veins at the same time. How could Harold think that his willingness to sacrifice himself didn’t mean everything to John? That Harold valuing his life more than anything, more than his own life hadn’t been the single sweetest gift anyone had ever given him. No one had ever valued him that much in his whole life.

‘It was everything, more than I could ever deserve. I hated you for doing it because my life means nothing without you but that doesn’t mean I didn’t recognize it as something special. Something beautiful. From a beautiful man. ‘

John walked up behind Harold and took his arm, as he did he only just about heard what Harold said, ‘Is that why you did it because you hate me?’  
‘Because I love you.’ John said pulling Harold round to face him. As Harold looked up at him to confirm the words he wobbled.

‘Hey you okay? How much you have to drink anyway?’

‘Only a couple Mister Reese. Guess it didn’t mix.’

‘With what?’

Harold took off his jacket, folded it over his arm and it was then John noticed his shirt was pretty wet, drenched even.

‘Do you know what I was doing while you seduced my Fiancé?’

‘I told you we didn’t.’

Harold fixed him with a look that said; ‘You did enough.’

He unbuttoned his vest, took it off and then started on his shirt. Harold undressing next to him in a hotel wasn’t feeling how John hoped it would not exciting but instead sickening. He felt like he knew where this was going, and he wished with everything he had that he didn’t know precisely everything about the evils of this world.

Harold removed his shirt moved to the bed and threw the removed clothing onto it, turned back to John and lifted up his undershirt. 

‘This is what I was doing while you were with my Grace, Mr Reese.’ He drew out the last word like it was an obscenity. 

Reese’s eyes fixed on the scar as it was revealed to him when Harold lifted the plaster that protected the still angry wound beneath.   
‘Harold.’ Reese wined like a sick animal. The pain a physical thing he felt to his bones. He knew he shouldn’t but was compelled to touch it. His fingers barely brushed the site when Harold pulled away.

‘Yes, I was trying to cling onto life while you abused me, my trust, our friendship, the feelings I thought we…’

‘When?’ Reese could barely form thoughts never mind sentences. 

‘The Vault.’

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

‘You had enough to worry about and besides I was going to die anyway. I was sure that was the only way.’

‘You shouldn’t have left me behind.’

‘How could I do anything else?’ Harold said sadly.

‘We should have been together.’

‘I’m not sure together means much to either of us anymore.’ Harold returned the plaster, moved away and picked up his shirt off the bed, starting to redress. 

‘You survived that roof somehow Harold. You could have reached out told me you were hurt. I would have been there and you know it.’ 

‘I didn’t think…I wasn’t going to make it. The chances weren’t good and I couldn’t give you hope just to take it away. I thought it would destroy you…maybe I was wrong.’

‘Oh, Harold of course you weren’t. I know why you might think that but without you my life was over. The only reason I needed Grace was because I had to try and stop myself from…you know, you have to know where my head was at. I didn’t think anything could feel worse than Jessica not until…you. I need you, so damn much Harold.’

Harold had lifted up his vest and was about to put it back on when John grabbed it and chucked it on the bed and pulled Harold into himself.

‘You have to know, no one could replace you, no one could save me the way you did and I wouldn’t want them to. You’re it for me. Don’t you get that?’ John’s eyes were fierce with intent as he spoke. 

John felt Harold trembling in his arms.

‘John.’ All he could manage to say.

‘Harold.’ John said at last able to breath the man in.

‘I love you, too.’ 

‘I wish we could stay like this, but we still need to talk about a few things,’ John said reluctantly after a few minutes or was it hours of enjoying the feel of Harold in his arms.

‘I Guess.’ Was all Harold said in response burrowing a bit more into the edge of John’s chest.

‘I want this to work, this between us. I want us to have a clean break. We have to start on equal footing with the past left behind us, as much as it ever can be.’

‘What are you getting at John?’ Harold said releasing himself from John’s hold.

‘Okay, so I know I’m on shaky ground here and we’ve only just got on the right path and I really don’t want to push my lu-‘

‘Then don’t,’ Harold cut in.

‘Just hear me out okay? I know what it’s like to think I’ve lost you and how hopeless and empty that feels so you need to talk to her, you need to tell Gr-‘

‘I know, I know, John. I will, I’ll go to her.’

‘You will?’

‘I’ll set things straight. Set her free. I know I have to…she deserves more, the best.’

‘That…that could still be you, Harold. If you want it to be.’

‘No John.’

‘But when you go to her, when you’re with her, see her, comfort her, hold her…you could…you might…’ John said unable to finish the painful thought outload. 

‘No, I won’t.’ 

‘You don’t know that, you can’t say it, until you’re face to face with her, you can’t be certain.’

‘I can be and I am.’ 

John shook his head,’ No Harold you love her, you’ve loved her for years. Never stopped.’

‘John look at me. Listen to me.’ Harold put a finger under John’s chin and pushed up to make sure John met his eyes.

‘You told me that nothing more than kissing happened with you and Grace, that you…you don’t have those kinds of feelings for her.’ Harold said trying to keep both hurt and judgement out of his tone.

‘Harold, no, no I told you, I don’t, I couldn’t. You know how sorry I am. Why would you doubt that? How could you think…that’s not why I…I…’

Harold put his lips to John’s to stop any further words. ‘I believe you John. But you asked me to trust you on this, have faith in you. Right?’

John nodded

‘Alright, well then that cuts both ways, doesn’t it? You have to trust that as much as I care for Grace and always will. And as much as it will be hard to let her go after holding on to her for so long, it’s you that I want to be with. You that I love.’ 

John just looked at him.

‘Got it?’ Harold asked as he poked John with a firm index finger to the chest.

John nodded again.

‘It’s alright John, don’t say anything. I don’t want you to anyway. Stay quiet and just kiss me, John.’

John leant in and so did Harold and the kiss told John everything he needed to know.


End file.
